I have ADHD and have been employed by 8 different companies in less than 2 years. I worked for one company for over 7 years until I was fired for issues related to my ADD, immediately found another but then the same thing happened after 6 months. I collected unemployment because that employer didn’t let me know about any issues they had with my performance and just cut me loose but my self esteem was crushed. It took 6 months of complete and total depression and despair for me to be able to have any kind of self worth in my ability to support my family again and had gone through 2 more employers that didn’t work out. I found an amazing position that I excelled at but was laid off unexpectedly. Another 2 month stint in a position well beneath my abilities plus working after my 8 hour day was over for a friend of mine just to keep food on the table. I kept my attitude positive and KNEW it would all be ok, despite facts all around me to the contrary, I was abruptly asked to come back as a permanent employee to the company I loved in a new position totally outside my comfort zone but one that I had faith I could do-or at least figure out. My husband has been underemployed or unemployed during the last 2 years as well and we are now simply trying to pay the mortgage and keep the lights on and will likely be filing bankruptcy soon. We have a 3 year old and have had other life changing events occur (family member suicide) in the last few months that have really made us aware of what is truly important-keeping our family together.
All that being said we still struggle with financial security and not feeling utterly desperate when our bank account is overdrawn and we need milk and gas but we are a team. My husband has been feeling very ignored, lonely, upset and angry with/at me and I’ve been so overwhelmed by life coupled with untreated ADHD that all I can do is lie in bed most days after work and on weekends. We reached an impasse and I know he felt completely hopeless in our relationship. Then, he found the book The ADHD Effect on Marriage and ordered it online. He had read only a few pages and said it was like a light went on. He finished the book and now I’m reading it but now that we’re both on the same page we can work together to make this life together something we are both happy with and proud of. I was pretty pissed at first because I’ve been reading about ADHD since my diagnosis in 2005 and he never seemed to be interested, despite my underlining and flagging and writing his name on pages I thought he should read in the 10+ books I was reading on the topic. Although I felt like screaming “It’s about damn time!” at his recent epiphany, actually I think I did do that, I really am just happy he finally got it and became interested enough in trying to save our relationship to join me on my quest for knowledge about this sometimes horrible, sometimes awesome ADHD journey.
In the last 2 years I have read probably 50-100 books trying to not go completely crazy and the topics include ADHD, Depression, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Self-Help, Spirituality, Work-finding the right job for you, 13 on suicide, many more on the survivor personality or traits of survivors, how to be successful, how to not be so afraid, bankruptcy, good lord you name it and I’ve read it! Our commitment to being a team is what has kept us from just giving up. Don’t expect someone else to support you, financially or emotionally, take responsibility for yourself and have faith you will be OK. Your husband is a big boy, capable of accomplishing whatever he wants and you are too, you just need to realize what you have the ability to impact and change and what you don’t. Be mindful of the good things, birds singing, america’s funniest videos (how can you not laugh at people falling down?) and decide to work as a team.
Best of luck to you, BELIEVE in each other but mainly believe in yourself!
