If you’ve seen even one episode of Vanderpump Rules or its origin show Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, then you probably know about Lisa Vanderpump’s obsession with animals. From World Dog Day to her ground-breaking Beverly Hills protest of the Yulin Dog Meat Festival, there is no animal this woman won’t gush over. She truly epitomizes the cold British person who only comes alive around other species (which I know about from What A Girl Wants, making it fact).
Did I mention her literal zoo of animals at her house on the hills, Villa Blanca? There’s Hanky and Panky, her swans. Diamonds and Rosé, her ponies. And of course, her dogs, Giggy, Harrison, Avery, Rumpy Pumpy, Binky and Shnooky, among others. Some are dead, some are alive, and some merely exist at the crossroads of life and death, stuffed into a crushed velvet suit and toted around West Hollywood’s worst restaurants.
Lisa’s love for animals is one of her most endearing qualities, I used to think. One could even draw a connection between her penchant for four-legged friends and her enabling of the bad boys on VR. Is Jax not just another puppy that has done wrong? He’s exactly the same as a dog, except instead of shitting on the floor, he shits in his girlfriends’ hearts year after year, season after season. And that is what has made the show so goddamn watchable.
But I digress.
I understand that accusing someone of bestiality is, even in 2019, incredibly controversial. And I’m not calling Lisa a zoophile, despite how much fun that word is. I just have one question, and I don’t think I’m the only one out there who’s wondering:
Why does she keep calling these animals sexy?
I have heard this woman, this serial entrepreneur, this leader in the LGBTQ community (she claims), this mother of two refer to her dogs as “sex monsters” in public on multiple occasions. This is a weird way to refer to your pets, and she does it constantly. But no one comments on it because she’s British, beautiful and richer than you’ll ever be.
Her latent sexual attraction to animals is visible not only in the way she talks about her pets, but in their names. You don’t have to be a Freudian to wonder why she would name pets after euphemisms for sex. Hanky and Panky. Rumpy Pumpy. Shnooky. And of course her most famous pet Giggy, which is a nickname for Gigolo.
“I looked up the word Gigolo and it said “a young man used for affection with an older woman”…he’s the Gigolo! That’s the guy,”
she explained of how the name came to be. It is one thing to have that thought cross your mind, but it is quite another to talk about it in a testimonial to be aired on the Bravo website that’s going to be seen by dozens, maybe even hundreds of people! Am I crazy?
I don’t know. I’m not trying to stir up drama here. But as we have to watch Lisa gab on about her charity Vanderpump Pets on not one but two (2) programs, I’m wondering if there’s a story there.
Lisa, despite being a reality star, is truly a closed book. The only things we know about her are what she’s chosen to share, and it tends to be on the produced side. We’ll never know why she chooses to call animals “sexy,” or name them synonyms for prostitute. But, as Carrie Bradshaw once said, I had to wonder.
